


I'm In Love With a Monster

by awkward_taco056



Category: South Park
Genre: Love/Hate, M/M, a little angsty, creek if ya squint, steamy makeout sesh, style if ya squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 21:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkward_taco056/pseuds/awkward_taco056
Summary: Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman have been butting heads for ages. Could the hatred be due to something deeper? The gang is set on finding out. ((Based loosely on my own life experiences))





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is reposted from my fanfiction.net account

“I WILL FUCKING END YOU”, Kyle Broflovski snarled, wrapping his fingers around Eric Cartman’s neck. Kyle was a little shorter than Eric, but just as heavy-handed.  
   
“Let...go of me….you Jew…..” Eric said, his voice strained what with the hands clamped around his windpipe. He just might’ve lost consciousness if Stan hadn’t dragged Kyle off of him.

“Goddammit, you crazy Jew, you bruised my freaking neck!” Cartman said bitterly, rubbing his nape.

Kyle hardly heard him, still engulfed in rage.

“Don’t fucking screw with me, fatass!” he shouted back, his face red and twisted with anger. “You don’t know what I’m going through!”

And it was true. Kyle had just found out that week that his father had had an ‘emotional affair’ with some chick at his law firm. Sheila had requested of Kyle not to tell his 9-year-old little brother Ike what was going on, since he was too young to understand. Kyle kept it a secret at home, but he was becoming more and more stressed out at school. It was only a matter of time before he couldn’t bottle up his emotions anymore.

“Yeah, Cartman, knock it off”, Stan said, stepping in between the two to cease another possible physical altercation.

“No one cares, stupid Jew!” Cartman taunted back.

“STOP BELITTLING MY PEOPLE, FATASS”, Kyle yelled, his voice catching in his voice.

“Shut the hell up, ginger. How can you possibly feel when gingers have NO SOUL?”

Finally Kyle could take no more. He abruptly turned away from Cartman, and speed-walked towards the South Park High School restroom. He locked himself in the restroom, and slumped to the floor. Hot, angry tears ran down his lightly freckled cheeks. Why the hell was everything falling apart NOW? Why couldn’t he go one day without something in his life going straight to hell?


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters remained at the table. Cartman was now playing ‘Clash of Clans’ on his phone, as if nothing had happened.  
Stan, of course, was furious.   
“So that’s it?! You’re just gonna kick him in the balls while he’s down."

“What’re you talking about”, the brunette hardly looked up from his game.

“Oh, well, I-I heard that Kyle’s dad cheated on his mom” Butters added

Cartman looked up, stunned. “What?”

“Yeah”, Kenny, who had his hood down to eat, chimed in. He brushed his unkempt blonde hair from his eyes. “He’s real fucked up about it.”  
   
Eric looked towards the bathrooms. What the hell did I do?  
   
After a few seconds, Cartman turned his attention back to the others.  
   
Stan face-palmed. “Goddammit, don’t you realize? You freaking hurt his feelings!”  
   
Cartman looked down at his hands. To be honest, he’d had a crap week, too. Mr. Kitty was sick, and his chance of recovery looked slim. He always picked on Kyle for something, but that was because he was a dirty rotten stinkin’ Jersey ginger Jew!... however, Cartman’s snide comments were no fun without Kyle’s angry response. It wasn’t like Kyle to just give up and run away. It was totally out of character!

“W-well”, Eric stuttered. “I-it’s not my fault that Kahl’s being a total pussy…” Even as the words left his lips, he knew he didn’t really mean them. 

“Why do you hate him so much?”, Kenny asked between bites.

“I-I just-he-" Eric couldn’t get a word out.

"Pfft, Whatever fatass, I hope you're happy", Stan cut in.

The bell rang, and they packed up and headed back to class. None of the boys talked to Kyle for the rest of the day, and Kyle didn’t talk to them. He came into the 90 minute period 20 minutes late, handing the teacher a pink guidance pass. Eric cringed inwardly. He had never needed THAT before.

Cartman got up to sharpen his pencil. He took the long way in order to get a good look at Kyle. Kyle had his head down, a few stray curly red locks peeking out. He didn’t lift his head up the entire class.


	3. Chapter 3

That Friday was Kyle’s 15th birthday. Stan and the guys all chipped in to try and cheer Kyle up. Kyle strolled into the front doors of the school, in slightly higher spirits, when he saw Stan holding a giant balloon with a big grin on his face. The balloon was HUGE, and in the shape of an upside-down pyramid.

“Holy crap, what’s all this?”, Kyle asked, even though he had a pretty good hunch. Stan handed him the balloon. It had a little Terrance plush clipped to it

“Happy birthday, man!”, Stan said, pleased that Kyle looked so happy.

Kyle broke out into a huge grin “Thanks, man! This kicks ass!” He hugged Stan in return, the goofy smile never leaving his face.

As it got later, Kenny showed up and handed Kyle a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

“Mmappeh Bmrrrthday, Mphhhh”, Kenny mumbled through his hoodie. He pulled down the hood and then continued with mock formality  “I didn’t have much, so please accept this bag of Doritos”

Kyle snickered. “It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

Kenny grinned as he watched Bebe and Tammy walk up. “And I’ve always dreamed of getting a piece of dat ass”

Kyle pushed him playfully. “Man shut UP. Is all you ever think about sex?”

“Yes.” Kenny replied in the most serious voice ever. He snickered after that, then gave Tammy a flirtatious hug,

“Hey babe, how YOU doing?”

Tammy giggled while Bebe rolled her eyes. “Um, have we forgotten the REAL important person here.

Kenny smiled sheepishly. “Oh yeah”, he said. “Lemme sign your balloon.

“I want to too!” Bebe said eagerly. 

“Lemme get in on that action!”

“Hey dudes, I go first! I payed for it!” Stan called out as they all took turns signing Kyle’s balloon. Kyle couldn’t help but blush a little from all the attention. 

Wow, He thought. All this attention, and no fatass. I must be dreaming! Kyle hadn’t even seen Cartman yet today. 

It was amazing being showered with attention, but it did feel a little…. off not having the fatass around to ridicule him. Don’t get him wrong, it WAS pleasant, but.. foreign, to say the least.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

At lunch, Kyle stopped by his usual table. Stan was already there.

“Hey, can you watch my balloon for me? I gotta go get lunch.”

“Sure dude”, Stan said, looking up from his phone. He was texting Wendy, who was stuck in class with lunch detention. Ironically enough, it was for texting. IN class.

Since Stan was so engrossed in his conversation, he didn’t notice Eric a few seats away at the same table. He also didn’t notice when Eric pulled out a black Sharpie. And he REALLY didn’t notice when Eric leaned over and scribbled something on the balloon. He had just finished when Kyle was walking back. Cartman slyly slipped his earbuds in and pretended to be on his phone the entire time.

“Can you believe that they gave me an extra juice JUST because it was my birthday?”

“How’d they find out?”, Stan asked, finally putting his phone down.

“Everyone in the lunch line sang it to me”, Kyle said, blushing a little.

Stan laughed. “Nice.”

Kyle sat down and looked at his balloon. He had to have at least 20 signatures. He smiled at Bebe’s signature  
“Happy Birthday, Cutie!   
~Bebe ;)”  
   
He smirked at Craig’s signature.  
“Happy birthday or whatever  
*Craig*”  
   
His eyes then fell on a new signature.  
“Roses are red   
Violets are Blue  
I guess you’re cool  
Even though you’re a jew”  
   
There wasn’t a signature, but Kyle didn't need a degree to figure out who it was. His eyes wandered over to Eric, who had his headphones in. Kyle squinted at the other boy. Could it be? Could fatass be so nice sometimes?


	4. Chapter 4

“Come on, dude, this way!” Stan tugged Kyle into the auditorium, grinning like crazy. School was over for the day, and due to the past events of that week, Sheila agreed to let Kyle walk home from school. Stan and Kenny had decided to goof off a little with Kyle to try to cheer him up.  
“This is gonna kick so much ass,” Kenny said, his hood down for the moment.  
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asked a wary Kyle.  
   
“Dude,” Stan said, climbing up on top of the stage and looked down at Kyle. “This is gonna be amazing.” Kyle still stood on the ground, apprehensive. Stan rolled his eyes, and held his hand out. Kyle, smiling shyly, grabbed it and Stan tugged him onto the gigantic auditorium stage. Stan looked Kyle in the eye, his own bright blue ones sparkling with excitement.  
“Let’s do this”  
   
Kyle finally smiled and loosened up a little. Kenny yelled out a “WOO-HOO!” and pulled off his worn old boots. He revealed a pair of bright pink socks that were in surprisingly good shape.  
“Tammy let me borrow them!” he said a little defensively when he caught the sideways looks of his friends.  
Stan kicked of his plain black Converse low top sneakers and stood in navy blue Nike socks.  
Kyle unlaced is jade green Converse high tops, exposing one stripey orange sock and one solid green sock.  
Stan rose an eyebrow, smiling.  
“I… I ran out of socks…”, Kyle said sheepishly, even though he and Stan both knew good and well that he purposefully mismatched them for good luck purposes.  
All three walked over to the far end of the stage.  
“Holy shit…it’s even bigger up close…”, Kenny observed.  
Stan smirked. “Well when you live in a house like yours, everything looks huge here”  
Kenny shrugged. “You got a point there.”  
“Alright. Who wants to go first?” Stan asked, looking the other two over.  
Kenny shot his hand up, jumping up and down. “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!”  
Kyle looked over at the shorter blonde boy. “You read ‘The Hunger Games’?”  
“Psssh, yeah. I’m poor not stupid.” He put up his hood after that (it was rather cold in the auditorium) and started to run across the stage. He stopped after he was about a third across, and slid a few feet.  
“FMMMMPHK MPHHHHH!!!!”, he yelled out, throwing his arms in the air.  
After Kenny half-walked, half-slid back, Stan went next. He broke into a sprint, then stopped suddenly, and skimmed across the stage. Stan threw his arms out to balance himself, beaming.  
Kyle then realized how fun this looked. After Stan walked back, the redhead dashed across the stage as fast as his legs could carry him. He halted his dash and slid across the stage as if he were on a skateboard. Kyle couldn’t help but break into a grin. As the boys took their turns slipping, sliding, and occasionally falling, Kyle felt all his insecurities, all his problems drain away. For the first time in a long time, Kyle laughed. He laughed as he watched Stan and Kenny fall over as they slipped and slid across the stage.  
   
Once again, Stan took his turn. Kyle did too, on the opposite side. Stan tried to shift out of the way, but Kyle was too deep in his own feeling of ecstasy to even realize Stan was sliding right towards him.  
Stan then grabbed at Kyle to steady himself, pulling him out of his fantasy. By the time Kyle finally realized what was happening, both of them were careening towards the ground.   
   
They looked at each other for a moment, Kyle sprawled across Stan. After a long, silent moment, they started cracking up.  
“Way to go, smarts,” Stan playfully snatched Kyle’s ushanka off his head and smacked him on the back with it.  
“Hey, I’m a Straight- A student, not an ice skater!”  
They continued to play fight with each other, not noticing the door open.  
Thinking Kenny had gotten bored and left, the other two continued to roll around on the stage, careful not to roll off. It was a 18 inch drop, which could potentially be detrimental.  
The footsteps became closer and closer, stopping about a foot from the stage.  
“WELL WELL WELL”. Kyle stopped in his tracks. Oh dear God, no… He slowly turned around and was face to face with none other than Cartman himself.  
“Having sexy time, I see?” He smirked. Kyle, suddenly very self-conscious, quickly climbed off of Stan.  
Stan adjusted his hat and sneered “Not as sexy as the past play times you’ve had with Butters”.  
The smile vanished from Eric’s face. “That was like 6 years ago, Hippie. Shut the hell up…”  
“Why are you here?” Kenny asked, almost amused.  
“Because I do what I want” Cartman shot back.  
“Whatever,” Kenny started to run across the stage again. “I think you’re here because you’re in lo-“before Kenny could finish his statement, he had slid right over the edge of the stage and landed on the ground with a THUD.  
“Is he dead?!” Kyle yelped.  
Cartman nonchalantly walked over to where Kenny landed, and then unzipped his hoodie for a closer look. “Yeah, the dumbass broke his neck.” He looked up at the other two, indifferent. “He’ll be fine by tomorrow.”  
The other boys looked at each other, then nodded in agreement. They’d figured out Kenny’s… ‘condition’ a while ago. Well, Stan and Kyle finally realized. Eric had been self-aware all along.  
“Well ANYWAYYYY…” Eric said, not hiding the scorn in his voice. “I hate to interrupt your hippie/Jew fuck n’ suck time…”  
Kyle was shaking with rage. “Goddammit, fatass, friends can hang out and screw around whenever the hell they want!”  
“Yeah!”, Stan chimed in, then pointed a finger at Cartman. Are you jealous?”  
Eric looked surprised at first, his eyes widening. Then his cheeks flushed and he glowered. “I would never, ever, EVER be jealous of you guys’ FAGGY relationship!  
The redhead tugged his hat down on his head, his own face flushed.  
“You know what? I don’t need this. Screw you guys”, he pointed towards the door in an exaggerated motion. “I’m goin’ HOME.”  
“Good riddance, lard ass!” Stan yelled at him as Cartman stomped out the door. Kyle thought to himself for a moment. The nickname wasn’t the most accurate, since Cartman had slimmed out a little. Well, a little. He was still kinda chubby, but not in a repulsive way….  
Kyle shook his head. What the hell? Where did THAT come from? He felt his face go a deeper shade of red due to his confusing. Stan looked over and noticed.  
“What’s the matter? Is Fatass getting to you?”  
“Yeah, just a little,” Kyle said with a weak smile. “I’ll get over it though…”  
“Good,” Stan smiled and gave Kyle a little side hug. “I don’t like seeing my best friend unhappy.”  
Kyle smiled back, still blushing.  He couldn’t shake his feelings off though. Had he legit just found Eric Cartman, of ALL people, good-looking?


	5. Chapter 5

Cartman stood outside, fuming. Stupid fucking Stan with his smart-ass comments….  
Eric ran his fingers through his messy chestnut colored hair. His mind whirled as he tried to process everything that had just occurred. Why the fuck did he care what that stupid hippie thought?? He knew good and well that he was not…. jealous of their relationship! That’s CRAZY!  
His mind then wandered to Kyle, who’d been sitting their on the stage… his hat crooked from his messing around… his face flushed with irritation. It was always amusing seeing how riled up Kyle got about things...more than amusing, to be honest. It was absolutely adorabl-  
   
“WHOA THERE”, Cartman yelled out when he realized what he was just thinking.   
He paced outside for a few minutes, trying to figure everything out. Just as he was trying to clear his head, his phone buzzed. A text from Butters….  
   
“Hey Eric! Meet us at Craig’s house at 6:00pm! Don’t be late!”  
   
Cartman looked up with a glower. Dear God, he’s even lame in text message.  
He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and headed towards home.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The Broflovskis went out for dinner at a traditional Mexican restaurant that evening. Even with the possible tension between Sheila and Gerald, they still had a great time and enjoyed the food. (Kyle politely declined his mom’s offer of her banana pudding for….   _Obvious_ reasons...)  
As they were leaving, Sheila remembered something. “Oh, bubbie, I forgot to tell you!”  
“Yeah, ma?”  
“Your little friends said they had something planned for you after we came back from dinner.”  
“Really?” Kyle tried to recall something Stan or someone might’ve said, but pulled up a blank.  
“Huh…” he thought. “I wonder what they’re up to…”


	6. Chapter 6

“WHO WANTS TO PUT ON A BLINDFOLD AND FOLLOW ME?!” Bebe called out, holding up a blindfold. They were all standing in front of Bebe’s house. Kenny (who had apparently came back to life an hour or so ago) was shamelessly staring down her shirt, grinning. Either Bebe was too preoccupied to notice, or s used to it that she didn’t care.  
Kyle stared apprehensively at her. “What”  
“Come on, dude, just do it.” Stan urged, pushing Kyle gently towards the blindfold.  
“Fine, fine, okay…,” Kyle reluctantly agreed, tying it on. Bebe, Stan, Kenny, and a few other giggles he didn't recognize guided him to an unknown location.  
*****************  
Meanwhile, Cartman was being led by Craig, Butters, Clyde, and Token blindly to a mystery spot, also.  
“Does it have video games?”, Eric had been doing 20 questions the entire walk there to try and figure out where the hell he was going to end up at.  
“No,” said Clyde.  
“TV?”  
“S-sorry Eric! No Television…” It felt like they had just entered a house. Cartman thought he felt carpet under his feet, but he couldn’t tell for sure.  
“Aw, Goddammit…” he muttered. “Does it have food?”  
“No, fatass,” Craig muttered.  
“Craig, I SWEAR to GOD…”  
Suddenly they stopped walking. The guys let go of Eric, and then a door shut quietly, with a click.   
What the hell, Cartman thought, reaching up to remove his blindfold.  
It was really dark in the room, pitch black, to be honest.  
“What- where the hell am I?” said a voice from within the darkness.  
Eric jumped. “ACK!”  
“The voice yelped back. “AAAAUGH!”  
Eric bumped into the unknown figure. Panicking, he pinned whoever-the-hell-it-was against the wall with one hand, and fumbled for his phone with the other. He turned on the backlight and lifted it up. That’s when he saw that the figure he was face-to-face (well, almost face-to-face, he was a little shorter) was none other than  
“KYLE?!”  
“CARTMAN?!”


	7. Chapter 7

Eric let go of Kyle pretty quickly, backing away from him as if he were a wild animal about to attack.  
“K-Kahl?! What the fuck are YOU doing in here?!” In his shock, he had cut off his phone by accident, plunging them both back into darkness.  
“I could pose that same question to you, fatass!” Kyle yelled back accusingly.  
“Oh, no, Jew I’m not doin’ this!” Cartman pointed at Kyle like he were a little kid that had just screwed up. He whirled around and headed to where the door was. Missing by a foot, he accidently slammed into the wall.  
“Owww… Jesus Christ”  
Kyle tried to hold in a giggle, but he couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing, saying “Smooth move, dude.”  
Eric, with only his ego seriously injured, flipped Kyle off. (Even though subconsciously he knew good and well that the ginger couldn’t see what he was doing.) He sat down heavily on the ground, rubbing his nose.  
Kyle felt around the wall for a light, but came up unsuccessful. He slowly sank to the ground, stretching his legs out and resting them on what felt like some weird pillow.  
“Um, Kahl.” Cartman said from within the darkness.  
“What?” Kyle asked with a bored tone.  
“Can you get your legs off of me, please?”  
“Huh?”  
Eric lifted Kyle’s legs off his thigh, then dropped them on the ground, not hiding his annoyance. "Great. Now I got jew cooties all over my pants. Jooties…”  
Kyle sighed with frustration. “Well I’m sorry your leg is so freaking fat that I mistook it for a goddamned pillow.”  
“Well I’m SORRY that your TINY JEW BRAIN is SO IGNORANT that you COULDN’T FIGURE THAT OUT.” Now Cartman was starting to get pissed.  
“Well, I’M sorry, but it’s not my fault that we’re stuck in here, fatass!”  
“It’s not MY fault, EITHER!” and with that, they both turn away, seething. A faint light  
suddenly came on. Kyle looked over. Cartman, noting that Kyle was looking, turned away. After a few seconds, “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy began to play through the tiny phone speaker.  
   
I don't care what you think,  
As long as it's about me  
The best of us can find happiness, in misery  
   
“Hey….”  
“Hey… what?” Cartman still didn’t turn around.  
“Use the flashlight on your phone to find a light in here!” Kyle stated as if this were the most obvious thing ever.  
“Okay!…. pushy…..” a moment later, the high powered beam of the phone's light beamed on. After erratically shining it around the room, they both spotted a lightswitch. Kyle rushed over and flicked it on, revealing that the two boys were standing in some sort of…. Closet…  
“What in the hell…?” Kyle looked around. None of the clothing looked familiar to him Weird…  
“Damn…,” Cartman said, sounding just as surprised as Kyle was. “Well, I’m hungry.”  
Kyle turned around to stare at the teen slouched on the ground. “You freakin’ fatass…” Kyle laughed humorlessly, despite himself.  
“Hey! My metabolism requires more food than your scrawny ass!”  
Kyle winced. It was already enough that his parents joked and jeered him about his weight. Now Cartman too?  
Eric rifled through his hoodie pocket, then pulled out a packet of TastyCake chocolate cupcakes. He opened up the package, then handed one to Kyle.  
“Consider it a birthday cake to shut your whiny ass up.”  
Kyle tentatively accepted it, then looked up at the brunette, raising an eyebrow.  “You didn’t like, poison these, did you?”  
Eric scoffed. “Dude. Stop being so paranoid. I’ll still eat it, you know.”  
Kyle was leery, but slowly took a bite. It was actually pretty good. “Thanks” he said softly.  “But… why did you have these randomly in your pocket anyway?”  
“I was going to eat it in science class,” he said, not eating his own snack yet.”But we were doing way too much silent notetaking to stealthily eat any food in class.”  
Kyle raised his eyebrow yet again. Sure, Kyle had snuck the occasional bag of chips or baggie of cereal out his lunch box, but he knew good and well that Cartman was going to have somehow taken this to a whole new level.  “Really?”  
“Hell yeah I do! Waiting six hours to eat something again is torture! I’ve eaten Doritos, sandwiches, PopTarts, even a fruit cup!”  
“You ate a fricking fruit cup in the middle of class, and never got caught?”  
Eric grinned at Kyle. “Eighth grade, Algebra 1 class. You stick it up your sleeve so the teacher can’t see, then drink the juice realllly quietly. Slurping is guaranteed to get you caught. Eat the fruit when he’s not looking.”  
Kyle couldn’t help but smile. In his 8th grade Algebra 1 class, he’d sat next to Stan. It was one of the best seats he’d had all year!... and why he almost got a B that quarter... “You’ve got that shit down to a science, but you get Cs in Biology?”  
Eric rolled his eyes and took a bite of his cupcake. “That class is boring as hell. All we do is take notes. That crap’s for nerds.”  
“It’s not all bad!” Kyle added, almost defensively. He thought that Biology was a breeze.  
“Pfft, whatever, Jew. It’s no wonder you think it’s fun. You’re a little Brainiac.”  
Kyle looked down and blushed a little. How often have I heard that nickname?  
As they finished their snacks in silence, an air conditioner kicked on.  
“Who in the hell puts an AC in a closet?!” Kyle, wearing only an orange T-shirt and olive green jeans, shivered. “Jesus Christ, did Elsa just give it a blowjob?”  
Cartman snickered. “I feel fine!” he declared triumphantly.  
Kyle crossed his arms over his chest to warm himself up. “Th-that’s because fat is an in-insulant…”  
Eric’s cocky smile melted into a scowl. “I’m not fat anymore, I’m just big-boned…”  
   
Kyle noted Cartman’s use of the word ‘anymore’. Was he insinuating that he knew long ago that he was considerably overweight throughout all of elementary school? Sure, he was still fat in other people’s eyes, but at 5’7 and 180ish pounds, Kyle thought he looked fine. He’s probably always be on the heavier side unless he really worked his ass off, but from the look of it, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. At 5’5 and 125, Kyle was the second shortest (and second lightest) out of the four. Stan was 5’6 and 135, and Kenny clocked in at an underwhelming 5’2, 99lBs, due to poor diet (and dying all the damn time). Kyle didn’t want to admit it, but he stressed about his size at times. His parents (mostly his mom) picked on him incessantly about his weight, telling him to ‘eat more’. But then, with everyone giving Eric hell for his size, Kyle was terrified that he’d end up like him; fat and hated. But then again, Cartman was probably moreso hated for his asshat attitude…  
“Take a picture.” Kyle jumped, startled at the sound of Eric’s voice.  
“Huh?”  
“You’ve been starin’ at me for the last like, 45 seconds, Kahl. Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”  
Turning away from Cartman, humiliated, Kyle said through his gritted, chattering teeth. “Sh-shut up, Cartman. I was just zoning out.”  
“Whatever, Jew.” Eric turned his music back up,bobbing his head along to “This Love” by Maroon 5.  
This love has taken its toll on me  
She said goodbye too many times before  
And her heart is breaking in front of me  
And I have no choice  
Cause I won't say goodbye anymore  
Kyle sat in the corner, shaking from the cold air. He looked back at Cartman, who was in his own little world now. Lucky bastard… I knew I should’ve brought a hoodie…  
Desperate for warmth, Kyle scooched over towards Cartman a little. He held his breath, but the other teen didn’t notice. Sighing with relief, he moved closer towards Eric. He could feel his body heat radiated off of him. Thank God… Kyle was so grateful that he didn’t even realize that he was now leaning on Cartman shoulder, grinning a big, dorky grin.  
Cartman, shocked by the touch, slowly turned his head to face Kyle. “Kahl.” He said very calmly, trying not to go off on him. “What are you doing.”  
“Staying warm…” Kyle said innocently, still leaning on the red-hoodied boy. Why the fuck do I like this so much?  
Cartman gently pushed Kyle off of him. “Can you not”  
“Dude!” Kyle cried out in protest. “ It’s freezing in here!”  
“That’s a you problem.”  
Despite his lack of heat, Kyle could feel his blood begin to boil. “Goddammit Cartman!”  
“What?! Acquire more body mass!!”  
“I don’t wanna be a fatass like YOU!”  
“Oh, I get it. You wanna stay in shape for your hippie-dippie boyfriend. STAN.”  
“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.” Kyle growled through gritted teeth.  
“Oh sure.” Cartman’s voice oozed with sarcasm.  
“At least I HAVE someone to call a best friend!”  
“So do I! It’s Kenny!”  
“Yeah, okay”  
“At least I’m not a JEW. ”  
“At least I’m not FAT!”  
“At least I’m not a ginger!”  
“Yeah you are, smarts! You’re half ginger!”  
Cartman paused. “Oh…. Oh yeah?! Well at least I’m not a FAG!!”  
Kyle froze, horrified.    How the hell did he know?


	8. Chapter 8

“I…I...”  
Cartman’s eyes widened, then he grinned evilly.  
“Are you…. Gay, Kyle?”  
“NO” Kyle shot back too quickly.  
Eric raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”  
“Dammit Cartman I’m not gay!” Kyle’s face was now the same color as his hair.  
“Sure about that?”  
“I’m cold.”  
“Don’t change the subject, Jew. If you admit that you’re a fag…” Eric said haughtily, turning Kyle head gently so that he was looking him in the eye. “I will give you my jacket.”  
Kyle started to shake, partially from the cold, and partially because he was pissed. “It’s bisexual, not fag, you fucking asshole.”  
Eric’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped in astonishment.  “Ho….ly… SHIT …”  
It took Kyle a moment to realize what he’d just said. Once he processed it, he could feel his heart stop. The second person he’d come out to; out of ALL the fucking people in the whole world, was Eric freaking Cartman.  
Kyle was dismayed. “I-I MEAN-“  
Cartman, biting his lip to hide a smile, shrugged off his hoodie, revealing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt, then tossed it to Kyle.  
“So… you like boys?” He didn’t even TRY to hide his amusement.  
“Shut up, Cartman.” Kyle, now wearing Cartman’s hoodie (which was surprisingly comfortable) was blushing hard. At least he wasn’t cold anymore…  
“You’re a Jew..” Cartman raised one of his fingers.  
“Cartman I swear to God…”  
“You’re a Ginger” Another finger went up.  
“Godammit Cartman”  
“You’re Jersey.” The third finger raised into the air.  
“Cartman please, cut it out.” Kyle was now exasperated.  
“And you’re gay”  
“Bi”  
Cartman’s smile almost split his face. “This is the best freakin’ day of my life!” He started to laugh hysterically, and even snorted. “Oh… Oh God… I can’t even!”  
“It’s not funny, man…” Kyle sat dejectedly in the corner, his pride injured (but his body warm from Eric’s oversized hoodie). “Besides, with the way you’re acting, I’d think that you’re gay too and that you’re you’re just glad you’re not the only queer”  
That shut Cartman up real fast. “Pssssh, I’m not gay! I get more pussy than you can imagine!”  
“The only pussy you have is your fucking pet cat Mr. Kitty.”  
Eric, lacking a rebuttal, just glowered and flipped the redhead off.  
“If anything” Kyle continued, finding a new wave of sass. “I’d think you’re gay, and MADLY in love with ME!”  
Cartman was stunned by Kyle’s comeback.  “Shut the fuck up! I’m not a rainbow barfing gaywad  l-like YOU.”  
“You sure about that”, was Kyle’s snarky response.  
“I’m. Not. GAY.” Eric tried so hard to keep a firm voice, but as fate might have it, it wavered at the end.  
Kyle noticed, and raised an eyebrow yet again. Maybe he was onto something….  
“Well then…” He pretended to think aloud. “If you’re not gay, then why’d you put Butters’ dick in your mouth?”  
“I WAS LIKE EIGHT”  
“And why did you crossdress so much?”  
“My clothing has nothing to do with my sexuality, Jew”  
“Fair point…”, Kyle said, but grinned. “But then why’d you make out with that Justin Timberlake cut- out?”  
“Again, I was like eight.” Eric sneered, not maintaining eye contact. “Stop riding my dick. I know you like doing that with Stan, but Jesus Christ.”  
Kyle was about to go off on him, but instead just looked at Cartman. Eric looked up and they both made eye contact. It was brown eyes locked on green eyes. For a moment, they did nothing but look into each other’s eyes. Eric couldn’t help but study Kyle’s features, his thick, curly, messy hair, his more prominent nose, how big his hoodie looked on his smaller frame, even the little freckles that danced across his cheeks. Kyle smiled a little, also observing Eric’s face… his chestnut colored bangs almost in his eyes but not quite… his cute button nose… his chubby cheeks  due to his weight that Kyle was just dying to reach out and touch….  
“S-stop lookin’ me in the eyes, Kahl, you faggy weirdo” Eric couldn’t keep his voice from shaking.  
“Why?” Kyle asked innocently, still maintaining eye contact.  
“B-because I can’t think!” Eric said, breaking eye contact. “You-your eyes are too fucking distracting!”  
Kyle giggled wryly. “My eyes wouldn’t be so distracting if you weren’t queer”  
“I’M NOT GAY GODDAMMIT!” and with that, Cartman turned away, trying to hide how hard he was blushing.  He even crab-walked to the other side of the room, just to get away from Kyle (and the myriad of feelings that was rushing through his veins)  
Kyle was a little frustrated, but felt triumphant as well. He was 99.9% that Cartman was at the very least bi, and he wasn’t about to give up until he was sure of the answer….


	9. Chapter 9

“Cartman?” Kyle said, turning to face Eric and scooch closer to him, even though he wasn’t looking at him. “Why do you hate me so freakin’ much?”  
Cartman, his back still turned, said shakily “B-because you’re a dirty greedy Jew.” He then hastily turned up his music, blasting “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift.  
“Okayyy…..” Kyle said calmly. “Now tell me the real reason why. What have you got against Jews?”  
Cartman said nothing.  
“Why do you rip on me being Jewish so much?”  
Still no response.  
“Why?” Kyle pressed on.  “What did Jews do to you?”  
While Cartman was still mute, he was now quivering in the corner. Even in seeing this, Kyle pressed on.  
“Why are you so Anti-Semitic?”  
“Do you really think I hate Jews, Kahl?” Cartman finally said from the corner. “Do you feally think that after all these years… I still hate Jews?”  
Kyle said nothing. He never thought of it that way…  
“I don’t hate Jews.” Eric said with a laugh that lacked humor. “My resentment ended long ago…”  
This struck Kyle as if he’d been slapped in the face. “WHAT?”  
Cartman continued, brushing a bit of hair out of his face with a smirk. “I’ve only kept it up for so long solely to piss you off.”  
Kyle just sat there, stunned. Then a wave of white-hot fury surged through his veins. Kyle reeled his arm back and socked Eric in the forearm.  
“OW!!! What the fuck was that for?”  
“You putting me through all this FUCKING SHIT for your OWN SICK PLEASURE.” Kyle hissed, then stood up, stomped across the room, then sat with his back to Eric and glared the other way.  
Cartman just sighed, then turned away, and turned his music back up. “Should’ve Been Us” by Tori Kelly played.  
Kyle said nothing, thinking nothing about it. Then, “Problem” by Ariana Grande played after that.  
Funny how well this fits… Kyle thought to himself, but still said nothing.  
Next up, ‘Trouble’ by Iggy Azalea  
 _Don't you come here thinking you're ballin'  
Ain't down for it  
You seem like trouble to me… _  
Weird how these songs all follow a theme… Kyle tried his hardest not to overthink the music.  
After ‘Break Your Heart Right Back’ by Ariana Grande,  ‘Troublemaker’ by Olly Murs, and  Fallin' by Alicia Keys, Kyle was sure these weren’t just tunes coincidentally on shuffle.  
The next song, ‘Best Mistake’ by Ariana and Big Sean, caught Kyle’s attention.  
Kyle squirmed in his spot he was sitting at. Was Cartman doing this on purpose?  
Next was Tori Kelly’s ‘Nobody Love’, which struck Kyle in an emotion he didn’t think he had.  
 _….I should be more cynical and tell myself it’s not okay  
(To feel this good when I’m with you)  
I try my best to fight it, say I hate you but I always stay  
Woah, woah, woah cause  
Ain’t nobody love, ain’t nobody love like you do  
Ain’t nobody love, ain’t nobody love like you-oo-oo-oo do….. _  
The redhead couldn’t take it anymore. He snuck a peek at Cartman. His phone was slightly behind him, but he wasn’t facing Kyle. Slowly and quietly, Kyle crept over and grabbed Cartman’s iPhone. He quickly punched in the code (0701… how creative).  
Eric, noticing that the direction that his music was coming from had changed, turned around and was horrified to see that Kyle had achieved his phone and was LOOKING THROUGH IT.  
The brunette was paralyzed by the sight, and from the look on Kyle’s face, he’d seen exactly what Cartman hadn’t wanted him to see.  
“What…the…fuck…?”, was all Kyle could manage.  
All the songs he had previously heard were indeed in a playlist, simply titled “KB❤” with a green heart emoji next to it.


	10. Chapter 10

Meanwhile, Eric and Kyle weren't the only ones who were finding out a lot about each other….

"Are you serious?" Stan said, staring at the computer screen Butters had set up in one of Token's huge rooms. "Is this seriously happening?" There was a teeny tiny camera inside the closet (Token's closet) that the two boys were locked in. Almost the entire 9th grade squad was gathered to see what was going down. There was Stan (of course), Kenny, Bebe, Wendy, Craig, Tweek, Token, Nichole, Clyde, Butters, and Tammy.

"G-guys?" Tweek stammered, yanking at his messy blonde locks that already stuck up on end. "A-are you sure this is legal?! Jesus!"

"Calm down, dude," Craig said, placing a hand on his hyperactive friend's shoulder. "They're fine. We're fine. As long as they don't call the cops."

"OH GOD! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!", Tweek yelped. "I'M OUT!" He went to leave the room, but Craig tugged him back at his shirt collar. Tweek reluctantly stayed, still twitching like crazy.

"Tweek kinda has a point…" Wendy said, a little worried. "Are you sure we're not going to get in trouble for this, Stan?"

"Don't ask me!" Stan held up his hands. "Ask Kenny. He's the mastermind, here."

Everyone turned to the short blonde, who was too busy gawking at all the fancy stuff about the room. Once Kenny noticed everyone was waiting for a answer, he mumbled "MM mmmph, Shmmmmph."

He turned to them and began to talk. "MmmFrmmmph, Mmmhp mmmph mph mmmphk, mmmph mph-"

"Dude." Craig said from the other side of the room. "No one can hear a goddamned thing you're saying with your hood up like that."

"Rmmmphlmmmh?" Kenny looked around the room for some sort of confirmation. When the other ten nodded in agreement, he sighed and pulled back his hood.

"Hell yeah!" Tammy yelled out. "Take it off, babe!" Kenny grinned back, then licked his lips at her.

"Seriously? Save your sexy time for later, you animals", Stan said, a little disgusted.

"Anyway…" he went to restart his speech. "Don't worry, you guys. Once my little plan-

"Our plan…" Token and Nichole cut in, a little impatiently.

"Our plan…" Kenny corrected himself. "…is complete, we'll never have to listen to those two's bitching ever again."

"B-but…" Butters began, concerned. "…what if they end up not liking each other still, but even worse after this?"

"He's gotta point, Kenny" Stan agreed. "They've hated each other for God knows how long. This could be one big disaster…"

"Ah ah ah..." The orange-hoodied boy wagged his finger at the other teens in the room. "I know this type of shit." He smiled sneakily. "Trust me, they'll be dry-humping each other in no time…"

"If they start with the 50 shades yaoi type shit, I'm out." Craig muttered.

"Hey! '50 Shades of Grey' was a very good book, and it wasn't yaoi! It was well-written, and VERY ELEGANT."

"It was porn in text form." Clyde pointed out.

"IT WAS STILL A WELL WRITTEN BOOK."

"You just want ideas on how to bang your bae."

Kenny ignored him, and turned to the others.

"Trust me, you guys." Kenny said with another devilish grin. "This, you are not going to regret"


	11. Chapter 11

Eric, horrified to see his phone in Kyle’s hands jumped up to his feet and yelped “I- that’s not for your eyes!!”  
“What the hell?!” Kyle was up on his feet now too, slowly backing away from Cartman. He even went as far as taking off his hoodie, balling it up, and throwing it back at him.  
“IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” He caught his hoodie successfully, but his voice cracked.  
Any other circumstance, Kyle would’ve jumped on the chance to rip on him. But Kyle was too swept up in an emotional storm to even notice.  
“No…”, Kyle said out loud, as if to convince himself otherwise. “It- it can’t be…” He’d been blocking the possibility out for so long, but finally, it hit him like a freight train. “y-you signed my birthday balloon with that poem”  
Eric scoffed, trying to sound big and bad. “N-no I didn’t…”  
“C-Cartman…” Kyle’s voice was shaking. He took a step towards the taller teen. “Y-you better tell me what’s going on… right. Fucking. NOW.”  
“N-nothing!!” Cartman insisted, clutching his sweatshirt to his chest in… anger? Passion of the moment? Kyle couldn’t tell.  
“Cartman…”, Kyle stepped a little closer with each syllable. “Don’t. Lie. To. ME.”  
“S-shut up!”, Eric put up a more defensive front. “Stop manipulating me, you crazy Jew!”  
Kyle just crossed his arms and (once again) made direct eye contact with Eric. Eric fidgeted uncomfortably, then looked away.  
“Stop making eye contact with me, fag…”  
“Why?” Kyle asked innocently.  
“Because I already TOLD you! IT’S. FUCKING. DISTRACTING!” With that, Cartman sat back down on the ground. He turned away so Kyle couldn’t see how hard he was blushing.  
Before Kyle could stop himself, he sat down about a foot away from Eric and asked softly but firmly “Do…. Do you like me?”  
Cartman whipped around and gave the redhead a crazy look. “UM…. About as much as I liked getting my ass kicked by P.C  Principal back then…”  
“Oh no, Cartman. This-” he gestured to himself and Eric. “-isn’t normal! No one goes THIS FAR in hating someone! WHAT IS THE DEAL?!”  
“Shut the fuck up, that’s the deal…” Eric’s voice was barely audible.  
Kyle felt felt his heart rate speeding up. “B-but… It can’t be… You-you really hurt me a few days ago and you KNOW it..”  
Cartman couldn’t look at Kyle. He knew he was right.  
“Y-you’re a fucking monster..” Kyle spat out the words as if they were venom.  
Eric looked down, his face burning with shame. “Kahl…I”  
“NO…” the redhead went to take a few steps back.  
“Kahl LISTEN TO ME” Eric grabbed Kyle by the shoulders before he could back up anymore. Startled, Kyle didn’t try to escape. He stood there, looking up at Eric, rigid.  
“I-I’m sorry...”  
“…run that by me one more time?” Kyle still looked Eric dead in the eye. The brunette’s eyes were shiny from the reflection of the light…. or was that…. resentment?  
“I’m sorry. Kahl, look. I know I make fun of you a lot, but I swear to God or Jesus or whoever the hell you believe in… I didn’t mean to take it that far. If I would’ve known about your parents…”  
Cartman suddenly stopped talking, broke eye contact, then let go of Kyle’s shoulders. “J-just forget it…” He sat back down on the ground with his back to Kyle yet again, and went back on his phone. Kyle stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He sat a few feet away from Eric, waiting for the tense silence to be broken by Cartman’s music. Several seconds later, the quiet was broken by Fall Out Boy’s ‘I Kissed a Boy”. Kyle couldn’t help but blush. He’d kissed Stan while this song was playing late one night at one of their sleepovers in 7th grade. That was when Kyle finally realized he was queer.  
“It’s okay, Cartman…” Kyle said softly. If Cartman had heard, he didn’t show a reaction. After about a minute into the song, Kyle did something so shocking he amazed himself. He moved in towards a zoned-out Eric, leaned in, and gently kissed him on the cheek.  
Cartman, completely caught off guard, yelped and leapt to his feet.  
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT”  
Kyle was just as startled as he was. “I… I dunno! I-I just-“  
Cartman pulled  his hat off and ran his fingers through his messy brown mane. Kyle was still sitting on thee floor, blushing furiously.  
“S-sorry…” he mumbled. “T-That was pretty gay….”  
Eric glanced at the dejected redhead still seated on the ground, then gestured for him to stand. Kyle did as told, trying to read Eric’s face. It was blank, pretty much how he looked in a boring class. Then Eric spoke in a gentle voice that Kyle had only heard him use with cats.  
“Kahl, I’m sorry for what I did earlier this week…”  
Kyle stood there, awestricken.  This is way out of characterrrrr…..  
“I-I know I’ve been wreaking hell in your life for the past 15 years, but- I-I…” he swallowed down a lump in his throat. “I…I….”  
Just then, Eric’s phone rang. “Who the fuck is this…” He slid his thumb across the screen and put it up to his ear?  
“Hello?”  
“Eric…” said a deep, gravelly voice from the other end.  
“What the- Kenny?! IS THAT YOU?”  
“Eric…” the voice repeated. “Do you wish to learn the way out of here?”  
“God dammit Kenny when I find you I’m gonna KICK YOU IN THE NUTS”  
“In order to get out of here, you must confess”  
“Confess what?” Eric glanced back at Kyle, seeing if he were listening. Kyle was standing, but his back was to Eric. Cartman’s eyes wandered slowly down Kyle’s back, lingering at where he had his hands in his back pockets…  
“You know  exactly   what I’m talking about, Eric.  You’d better do it soon, or you’re gonna be here all night.” The ‘mystery person hung up, and Cartman glanced back at Kyle, breaking into a sweat. He knew good and well what ‘he’ was talking about.  Oh… shit…


	12. Chapter 12

Cartman stood there staring at Kyle for a long time after the mysterious phone call, weighing his options. If he did ‘what he needed to do’, they’d leave, but there was no way his pride would allow him to do what he had in mind… But if he did nothing, there was no telling what would happen. He thought of scamming Butters into sending help, but something told Eric that if Kenny really was behind all of this, then somehow, Butters was affiliated too. UGH.  
“Who was it?” Kyle mumbled. Eric looked up. “N-no one…” he responded. Cartman had his back to Kyle for a bit after that, not saying anything. He once again, let his music play through his speakers.  
Just the two of us…. We can make it if we try……  
Just the two of us… (Just the two of us!)  
Cartman slowly turned several minutes later and found himself looking down at Kyle, who was intently looking up at him. “S-so… all this time, you tortured me because you liked me?”  
Cartman blushed, but smirked. “I only saved your sorry ass like, three times.”  
Kyle scoffed. “Don’t forget how I saved you, too, bunny boy…”  
Eric blushed harder. “Do you realize how fucked up this is?”  
“Only if you do too.”  
They both stood there, silent. Then the redhead spoke up. “Are you jealous of me and Stan being friends?”  
“WHAT?!” Cartman over-exaggerated a scoff as if the whole thing was too insane to even imagine. “No way!”  
“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, fatass…” Kyle said with a sly smile.  
“I’m not!”  
“I’m going to ask you again. Are. You. Jealous?”  
Cartman opened his mouth to answer, but Kyle put a finger to his lips to shush him. “If you’re not jealous, then punch me in the arm-“  
“Whatever you say, fam-“Eric reeled his arm back.  
“Let me finish!” Kyle held his hands up in defense. “But if you are jealous, then kiss me.”  
Eric’s jaw dropped. “Wha- but-“  
“Just on the hand if you’re a little jealous. I mean, if you’re so NOT gay, then what’s the big deal?” Kyle playfully twirled a lock of red hair between his fingers.  
Cartman looked away, breaking into a sweat.  
“Tick tock, Cartman…” Kyle felt so triumphant that he had his eyes closed. Eric, swallowing his pride, whirled around and kissed Kyle full on the lips with such ferocity that he pushed him up against the wall. He just melted into him. The Jew’s lips just felt so… right. Kyle, stunned at Eric’s intensity, didn’t fight back. He was a bit too taken aback to really kiss back, but it was a good shock. For an arrogant asshole, Cartman sure could make out well.  
After what seemed like an eternity, they both came up for air. “Does that answer your question, Jew?”  
Kyle was Kyle was flustered, blushing harder than he ever had before. Proud that he’d ‘gotten’ Kyle back, Cartman sat back down on the floor.  
“Oh, yeah?” Kyle said, still breathless, but bluffing to hide the fact that he was still reeling from that passionate exchange.  
“Yeah.” Eric said, smiling, sitting and facing his red-headed lover. “What’re gonna do about it.  
Just then, ‘Bad Romance’ by Lady Gaga blasted through Cartman’s speakers. They looked back at each other, and Kyle grinned deviously.  
“I guess we both just live by this song, don’t we?” Kyle said, slowly making his way over to the brunette. Eric said nothing. Kyle then boldly straddled Eric, forcing him to make eye contact. “well… if you’re not as anti-Sematic as I thought… then I guess I’m not as fatphobic as you thought…”  
“What-what are you talking about, Kyle?”  
Kyle giggled. “Do you realllllllly think you being overweight bugs me that much?”  
Eric said nothing, but his face was getting pretty red.  
“I know what gets you all riled up too, Eric” Kyle then slowly reached his hands up Eric’s shirt.  
Kyle sensed that Cartman’s heartrate had just tripled, and said “I’m not gonna molesterate you, Eric. My hands are just cold, and your greedy ass never really was one to share.”  
Cartman shivered, partly due to Kyle’s contact, and partly due to the fact that his hands were freezing!  
“I-is all forgiven, Je- I mean… Ky-yelll?” Cartman tried so hard to pronounce the ginger’s name correctly.  
Kyle smiled down at the teen beneath him. “Just shut up and kiss me again fata- I mean, Eric…”  
Meanwhile, a loud cheer went up in the room with the rest of the 9th graders. “They did it! They admitted they love each other!” Kenny cried out with joy.  
“Well, technically, they didn’t admit to anything. They just made out”, deadpanned Craig, unimpressed. Kenny flipped him off.  
“W-what if they know we’re behind this, and they’re putting up an act so they can get out?! ARGH!!”  
“GUYS!!” Stan yelled out, standing up. “I know Kyle and how he acts around guys he likes, and he’s not faking. Trust me, this is it.”  
Wendy sighed with relief, then rose an eyebrow. “Wait… guys? How would you know?”  
Stan paused. “Uhhhhhh…..”  
“That’s not the point!” Kenny dove in for the save. “Let’s free these two lovebirds before they sodomize each other in Token’s snazzy closet.”  
Craig groaned. “Oh god, more 50 shades…”  
“How the hell would you know?” Tammy called out, playing with one of her bracelets.  
Craig paused, looked over at Tweek (who was blushing now), then back at the others. “Let’s not go there….”  
Kenny practically kicked the door down in excitement. He ran out the room, then down a hallway. Only Stan followed.  
“WHERE’S THE CLOSET??” He called out from somewhere in the huge house.  
“Slow your happy ass down and I’ll show you!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
At the time being, Kyle and Cartman were laying on the ground. It was almost ten o’ clock, and Kyle had fallen asleep on top of Cartman shortly after another steamy make-out session.  
“you….make….a good…..*yawn*…. Pillow…..” Kyle had mumbled before he had dozed off, his head resting on Eric’s stomach.  
I guess being a ‘fatass’ does pay off… Eric thought wryly. He entertained himself by playing Subway Surfers, cursing silently when he messed up. He didn’t want to wake his little Jew up. Everything was pretty peaceful when Cartman thought he heard a faint voice. He paused the game, but heard nothing else. As he went back to his game, the doorknob rattled, then burst open. The sudden noise startled Eric so much that he jerked upward and dropped his phone on his face.  
“OW! GODDAMMIT!! “ It was a wonder that he hadn’t given himself a bloody nose by accident.  
Kyle woke with a start from the sudden movement. “Huh?”  
“I KNEW IT!” Kenny crowed, despite the fact that it was rather late at night. “I ♪KNEWWWWWW♪ it! I knew knew ♪KNEWWWWWWW♪ it!!”  
   
“What the hell is going on?” Kyle asked sleepily.  
Kenny was still prancing around the closet, even imitating Amethyst’s (via Steven Universe, his guilty feelsy pleasure) move from her Opal fusion dance.  
“Dammit, Kinny, stop shaking your ass and tell me what’s goin’ on!”  
“You two DO love each other! I KNEW it! I knew it all along!”  
Kyle was too exhausted to process it, but for Cartman, it clicked pretty fast. “Th-this was all YOU?! It was YOUR idea to lock us in here with no food or water?! Not even a bathroom?!”  
“It sure was, fatass! VIVA LA KYMAN!” Kenny cackled, then dashed out the room.  
Furious, Eric threw off his hoodie and yelled “I WILL FUCKING END YEW!” He tossed it towards Kyle, who was still seated on the floor, and dashed out the room. For someone of his size (and someone like him who hated exercise more than anything in the world), he could run pretty damn fast.  
Kyle, wide awake now, tugged on his (apparently) new boyfriend’s sweatshirt, then walked out the room to watch Eric chase Kenny through the winding hallways of the Token mansion. He snickered as Kenny dipped and dodged Cartman’s every attempt at grabbing him.  
“He’ll burn himself out eventually” Stan smirked.  
“I’M AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY!” Cartman yelled out, still running after the small blonde.  
Kyle then looked over at Stan, then hugged him tight.  
“Whoa, dude, what’s this for?”  
“For opening my eyes” Kyle responded. Then Kyle grabbed Kenny before he could run by again and hugged him too. “It feels nice to be out the closet. Figuratively, and literally.”  
Kenny grinned ear-to-ear. “No problem, dude.”  
Cartman walked up, panting. “*huff… huff* what…. *huff* no love… *wheeze* for me?”  
Kyle grinned, then pulled Eric in by his Fall Out Boy shirt, and kissed him on the lips. “And sugar for you, my overweight, racist, anti-Sematic monster.”  
Eric kissed him back “And sugar for yew, my Jewish, Ginger, Jersey monster.”  
THE END!!


End file.
